5.75 miles and a year of battles all comes down to this

I had no energy this morning. NONE! I wanted to lay around on my big o butt and watch tv with lil miss. But instead I rolled out of bed...heard the devil scream as my feet hit the floor and I was off! I told myself today would be filled with greatness and I would not give in to my food temptations. (living primal is a lot harder than you would think). 

Got to the gym and saw that no one was there except for a few elderly people who stay in the corner. I picked out my elliptical...decided i felt a bit froggy and I wanted to be in control today. Manual for 45 minutes with a 5 minute cool down. Pandora blaring in my ears and the sun directly in my eyes ( I should really be a cool kid and wear my sunglasses..it might give me that badass look) i felt alive for the first time all morning. 3.25 miles later i was not satisfied...i was not done! So I refilled my water, and jumped back into it with one of their 30 minute programs. in that 30 minutes i pulled another 2 and a half mile out of myself. 

For most this would be a breeze...im not most. im 15 days smoke free after smoking for 11 years (im 26 do the math). Im overweight by about 70 pounds and have spent the last 7 years of my life catering to everyone elses needs except my own. Ive let myself go in such a way that the battle to get myself back is going to take more than eating right and a new hair do. life happened and saving myself was not an option with I had others who needed saving. 

I have time now...not a lot of time but i am making time. 

After getting home from the gym and store ( i needed eggs.) I started preparing my omelet which seems to be a daily thing now as well...it is yumm-o filled with spinach and turkey with a little cheese...and when i say little i mean a tablespoon at most! I looked through my contacts on my phone and came across the VAs number....hmmm ihave not called them in a while and i was told earlier this week they should be done by the end of next week...so i dial.....i go through the prompts and wait...Ive made hubbs omelet, lil miss' scrambled eggs and my omelet and have finished eating when I finally get someone on the other line...Oh thank you lord she has a nice voice and does not sound like her cubemate is beating her! Go through the usual million security questions...then she cant find his claim. ???????????? oh wait there it is! ITS DONE...ITS FINALIZED...not only is it finalized but the 'manilla envelope' that millions of vets wait for was mailed out the day before yesterday...(that would be tuesday for those who dont know what day is today). 

Im suddenly filled with fear! the fear is taking over the excitement. Ive devoted the last 3 years of my life first getting Corey retired and not just discharged from the Army and then fighting the VA to get his VA rating. Ive lived with the saying "he may wear your uniform but the man he was has been destroyed and I am now his only voice". Knowing that there is an envelope that literally holds our futures security is on a truck somewhere between Raleigh NC and my home is terrifying! Yes, if we do not agree with their decision we can appeal but COME ON! The ARMY rated him 100% totally and perm. disabled. The VA caretaker program that I am apart of has rated him as needing care 24 hours a day 365 days a year. He may have his limbs and you may not see scars but you also dont see the falls or the pain or the anger or any other the many other side effects from his time in Iraq. Anything other than 100%  will show me they did not do their job at the VA and did not do this claim justice. And after I breathe and get my strength back we will fight because he gave everything this war took from him with pride and honor. 

Any day this envelope could be here....Im not a very patient person and this is going to drive me to rip my hair out. 

stay tuned as you look through my window of life and I look back from the inside looking out.  :)